Are relationship problems after having a baby common?

Are you also experiencing marital disconnect or relationship problems after having a baby? You are not alone. For every parent, it is a moment of sheer bliss to see their baby for the first time and feel so excited to bring this bundle of joy to your home. Everything around us seems so full of life, pleasant, cheerful but after a few days or weeks, you may feel like you are not the same human being anymore.

I have no shame in accepting the fact that I was getting too irritable, upset, and felt helpless in the first year of raising my baby. I never thought that my husband and I could argue at top of our voices for no big reason. I knew that once the baby arrives, I won’t have much time to spare for doing things I liked or having alone time, but it was quite off-putting when my husband and I had frequent fallouts over petty things.

It was nothing less than having “Came to know later in life that feeling this hopeless and frustrated could be because of boxing matches with husband” and both of us in the ring eager to knock each other down. baby blues, hormonal changes, sleeplessness, less or no time with partner, isolation, or taking care of a little too demanding human who still not able to show any love in return.

Maintaining a relationship with my partner post-baby was daunting and I guess most of the couples might have felt the same way. Both partners need to have a lot of patience, energy, and effort that is what I have learned over few years. It does not take much time & effort to ruin the relationship but seems a lot needs to be put in in order to keep it going.

We generally assume that we all going to be extremely caring for the baby and also considerate towards our partner, but the transformation from a couple to a family changes a lot of equations. At some point in the past, because we as a couple were unsatisfied in our marriage, we considered going separate ways and accepting that we were almost near to a marital breakdown. Well, all I learned is “if you don’t act on making your relationship better with your spouse then eventually it may cause a rift between you two”.

Lets me walk you through common problems faced by new parents which often lead to relation or marital breakdowns after the arrival of baby.

1. Too much pressure on one can be frustrating

Taking care of a newborn is not that easy. If a parent does all the stuff alone from taking care of the baby to doing all endless home chores, then it is obvious that the parent would feel exhausted and overwhelmed. Staying at home, no time to socialize, resume a job, go out like before, and not getting enough time to relax, may make this person irritable. It also can give you an impression that your other half is not being considerate enough and not doing their share of work or helping with household duties or baby.

2. Lack of sleep

Sleep deprivation can make you feel frustrated and tired. It is one of the biggest factors leading to “couple fights”. With a newborn at home often it is really difficult to get some shut eyes for more than an hour or two. Some babies sleep without waking up a lot in the night those couples are actually lucky I would say. If your baby is fussy most of the time and sleeps less definitely it is going to affect you and your behavior.

3. Lack of communication

Because dads go to the office then come home tired after a long day, mums too feel overwhelmed by parenting baby throughout the day, that is the reason why both as a couple get much less time to talk their heart out to their partners. Or sometimes there is a lot of things going on in your mind which you want to say but because both of you are tired, you think to skip it. Both can feel a little bit lost in the journey at some time in the first year because usually there is scarce time, energy, and patience level.

4. No more romance or intimacy

The couple time is basically family time now. As a couple we used to do a lot of cuddling, kissing, watching t.v, going out for dinners but now we love cuddling and kissing the baby all the time. The romance and intimacy is almost non-existent. Having a disconnect with your husband is not uncommon after having a baby. It seems all the love hormones which used to get activated when the partner is around have vanished.

5. Baby becomes the priority

Initially, it was just two of you in love, spending time, talking your heart out to each other, relaxing, and socializing together, but now with the baby managing to do all these is daunting. Isn’t it? Does the partner feel sidelined? Also some women may feel like they disappeared, and the complete focus is only the baby. Yes, it is true for some mums to feel this way that they are not what they used to be and everyone’s topic of discussion revolves around the baby.

6. Financial hurdles

Adjusting life on reduced income or on an income of a single person could be difficult for few couples. Some mums leave their jobs for a time being One parent might like to save money whereas another wants to spend more on the child from limited income which could lead to fights too. Refrain from buying a lot of stuff all together for the baby. Hold your temptations, you might realize that a lot of things you ended up buying were not needed at all.

7. Parenting style clashes

Having different ideas or opinions on parenting can cause conflicts too. It is better to accept parenting differences. Both of you may not agree with the same ways of parenting. We as adults are influenced by the parenting styles we have seen at home in our childhood. Also, you may have your own ideas of parenting too.

8. Interference of other family members:

It can be frustrating for many new mums if their mothers-in-law or any other family member oversteps mum’s space, give their unsolicited advice, keep telling you or showing you that you are not doing things right or make you feel that you need to listen to them because they are experts here. They may want to help you with the baby even before you are ready.

9. Quarrels about which visitor to entertain:

Everyone likes to show up and meet the baby and ask if both mum and baby are healthy or not. But sometimes parents just don’t want to entertain a few unwanted show ups just after birth because they are busy adjusting to their new life with this little human and need their time to care for the baby.

Some parents also believe that the initial few weeks are crucial and the baby might catch infections from others therefore like to distance themselves from everyone for the safety of the baby. But often they can’t say no to a few very close friends and family. The main quarrel is about whom to entertain and whom not to which becomes the reason for quarrel amongst parents.

It's never too late, let the other person know that you really care for them & eager to revive the relationship.

To read the full article please click the link below:

Relation problems after having a baby and how to overcome them.

Thank you for your time.

Originally published at: https://www.themumandmunchkin.com/